No Sound but the Wind
by eddiebell69
Summary: When Edward Cullen made his wedding vows, he meant every word he said. Unfortunately, not everyone can keep their promises. If someone you love hurts you the most, do you set them free or do you free yourself? A story about loss, grief and its consequences. Written for the Caveat Emptor: Maybe an HEA? Contest.
1. Chapter 1

This was my entry for the **Caveat Emptor: Maybe an HEA? Contest,** which unfortunately didn't win anything. It is very angsty and heartbreaking, so please read the summary to make sure you wanna give it a go! As usual, much thanks to **maxandmo** for editing, and to **tanglingshadows** and **allihavetodoisdream** for pre-reading. Their support is everything to me.

 _Ready?_ Let's go!

* * *

 **Disclaimer:** Stephenie Meyer owns _**Twilight**_ and all its characters. I own two beautiful pups and this plot.

* * *

 **1**

* * *

"So, tell me again, Bella, why are we buying turquoise clothing for the baby?" I ask my wife for what's probably the millionth time during her pregnancy.

We're currently at the Port Angeles Baby Store, standing side by side in front of a display as we pick out some items. Since it's a Thursday, we just got out of work and we're taking advantage of shopping during the week, avoiding the crowds on the weekend. I might be a little tired, too, so my whiny attitude is understandable.

Bella just chuckles, grinning at me. "Because it's a gender-neutral color, making it perfect since we don't know Riley's sex yet."

Riley: our future son or daughter, whose name is also androgynous given that we're waiting until Bella's delivery to know his or her gender. Well, add the baby's nursery to the list of things that would be perfect for either a boy or girl. Since we rent an apartment, we used light-aquamarine removable wallpaper to decorate the room and bought all of the furniture in white. We're on a budget, so most of the décor was made by Bella in yellow and white tones.

All of this was Bella's idea, although I did agree with her just to keep her happy. A happy, pregnant wife is a good thing. _Trust me._ At thirty-two weeks of pregnancy, we've dealt with morning sickness—which is a total misnomer because Bella suffered it all times of the day—cravings, and, of course, mood swings at the drop of a hat. But when she's happy? Oh, man, everything is perfect. Not that I'm complaining, though, because I've been lucky with my wife. I mean, sure, we have our disagreements— _who doesn't_ —but we never have full-on arguments.

The baby's sex is one of the few issues which I've had trouble agreeing to, yet I only bring it up on occasions like these when we're shopping. So, taking my one jab, I say, "And when will we know?"

Bella slumps her shoulders and groans. "Ed, we've talked about this before."

"I know," I sigh, "but I can't help being curious."

My wife looks at me intently as if she were deciphering a complicated math equation before she speaks. "Okay, fine, you win. We only have a month to go, but we'll ask Dr. Gerandy to tell us the sex of the baby during our appointment next week."

" _Really?"_ I ask, beaming.

"Yes," Bella chuckles, "but that doesn't mean that anything's changing. The baby's name, nursery and wardrobe are staying the same."

"That seems like a fair compromise," I tell her. "I can do that."

A huge grin spreads across Bella's face as she says, "Okay, so we're done picking pajama-onesies, is there anything else you want to check out while we're here?"

"No, I think we're all set."

"Alrighty then, let's head out to get some dinner because I'm starving."

"You're _always_ hungry," I tease.

" _Hey,"_ Bella says, sounding offended. "I'm carrying your child around in my tummy. I need to be strong for that, alright?"

"I know, I know," I chuckle. "I was just messing with you."

Smirking mischievously, Bella winks at me. "I know. So was I."

I step forward and wrap my arms around Bella, her swollen belly between us. She raises her arms and wraps them around my neck as she sighs, closing her eyes.

"I love you," I say before giving her a small kiss.

"I love you," Bella echoes, smiling against my lips.

" _Forever?"_

Bella nods. "Forever."

When I hear someone clear their throat, I chuckle and pull away from my wife. "We should get going," I tell her.

"Yeah, I'm starving," she says with a grin. "Let's go pay for this and head over to the Chinese place next door."

"You're in the mood for Teriyaki chicken?"

"Yes! I even brought extra TUMS with me."

"Good call," I tell her. "Why don't you go ahead and order so you can sit while you wait for me? You must be exhausted."

"I am," she exhales. "The office was super busy today."

"Okay, I'll see you in a bit."

I then head to the checkout while Bella makes her way next door. Five minutes later, when I enter the Chinese restaurant, I spot Bella at one of the tables by the food counter. She smiles at me as soon as I come into view, patting the spot beside her for me to sit.

"I hope you don't mind," Bella begins, "but I ordered our food to go."

"Not at all," I assure her. "Are you feeling okay?"

"Yeah." She shrugs. "I just realized that I'm more tired than I thought. Plus, my back is kinda hurting and my feet are swollen as fuck, so I'm more than eager to get home and sit on the couch with my feet propped up on your lap as I stuff my face with steamed rice and veggies."

"And don't forget the Teriyaki chicken," I tease.

Bella playfully gasps. "Never!"

"Mrs. Cullen, your food's ready," the cashier informs us.

I get up to retrieve our food and also to help Bella stand. Once we've got our order, we head to our car and drive home.

As soon as we enter, Bella takes off her shoes and goes to our bedroom to put on her maternity yoga-pants while I unpack our food on the coffee table.

"Feeling better?" I ask when she returns.

"Yeah." She nods. "But my back is still hurting a bit."

"Were you on your feet today?"

"Of course, but only for a little bit. You know how protective Rosalie is."

"Oh, I do, and I definitely wouldn't want to get on her bad side."

"Yeah," Bella chuckles as she takes her seat. "It's scary."

"So," I begin as I join Bella on the couch. "What are our plans for this weekend?"

"We're going over to your parents' house for the barbecue that your dad owes mine."

"I can't believe they're still betting," I grumble. "How many times has your dad beat mine?"

"I lost count," she teases before taking a bite of her food and then moaning. "Oh, God, this is delicious."

I smirk. "I remember the last time you said that. You got pregnant afterward."

Bella rolls her eyes, yet laughs. "Okay, onto important things; remind me tomorrow to bring the files from the Cheneys' house-renovation loan. I need to do some paperwork for the appraisal."

"Babe, what's the point of maternity leave if you're going to keep working from home?"

"It's just paperwork," she whines. "Plus, I can't let a temp handle that kind of stuff. She'd get it all wrong."

"Rosalie is lucky to have you as her assistant," I tell her.

"I'm lucky to have Rosalie as a friend," she says longingly.

"We both are," I agree.

"And that's why I have to help her. Now, let's hurry up because it's getting late and I want to take a shower before bed."

Nodding, I agree. "Whatever you say, love."


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** Stephenie Meyer owns _**Twilight**_ and all its characters. I own a sack of empty Coke bottles and this plot.

* * *

 **2**

* * *

Sometime during the middle of the night, Bella wakes me up.

"Edward, something's wrong," she cries.

Groggy, yet alarmed, I sit up in bed. "What's going on?"

Sniffling, she says, "My back is still hurting a lot."

"Maybe you're having Braxton Hicks contractions," I suggest.

"No, something's really wrong, Edward. I'm bleeding," Bella whispers.

"Fuck," I mutter as I get up quickly and walk over to her side. "Okay, we're going to need to go the hospital, but we have to remain calm, alright?"

Bella nods.

"I'm going to get some new pajamas for you to change into, and get everything ready for us to leave, but while I do that, call Dr. Gerandy and tell him what's happening," I tell her.

Tearful, Bella gazes at me, trying to contain her cries. "Edward, I'm scared," she says.

"Everything is going to be okay," I tell her, trying to assure both of us. "This is probably just a false alarm."

"Okay," she gulps.

"Now, give me a minute to get everything ready and then we'll leave."

I help Bella to stand, giving her the phone before I go in search of clean clothes for her. Next, I go to the baby's nursery and grab the small backpack we've prepared for Bella's delivery. When I return to our bedroom, Bella is crying harder.

"What's wrong?" I ask, panicked. "Is the pain stronger?"

"No." Bella shakes her head. "Dr. Gerandy is at the hospital, but he said we need to get there immediately."

"We'll leave as soon as you've changed, okay? Relax," I suggest.

Bella doesn't reply, she simply begins taking off her soiled clothes as she cries. I really don't know what to tell her, so I stay quiet, trying to calm my own nerves.

"Do you think we should call our parents?" Bella says between sobs.

"I think that's a good idea, but right now I need you to calm down, baby. Can you do that for me? Breathe, okay?"

Bella nods, beginning to even out her breaths and calming her cries.

"I'm going to bring the car closer to our exit," I tell her once we're all set. "Meanwhile, call our parents and tell them we're going to the hospital."

When I return from the parking lot, I help Bella get into the car and take off quickly. During our short ride to the hospital, I comfort Bella by telling her that she and the baby are going to be okay, even though I'm afraid that I'm lying. As we arrive at our destination, I notice Dr. Gerandy and a couple of nurses with a gurney, waiting for us. Everything happens quickly after that. It's all a blur after that, but I can definitely recall Bella's panic as they took her away to the operating room.

Staying behind with me, Dr. Gerandy looks troubled. "I'm going to be honest with you, Son," he begins. "This isn't looking good, so I need you to be ready for any possibility."

" _What do you mean?"_ I ask, terrified.

"I don't know what I'm going to find when I enter the OR, but it probably won't be good, so call whoever you need to be here with you, alright?"

Numb, I nod.

"I have to go now, but I'll be back later with an update," he says before running off.

 **…**

The minutes pass and I'm going mad. It feels like it's been forever since Bella was taken away, but it's only been about an hour. I call our parents to make sure they're on their way to the hospital, and tell them what Dr. Gerandy told me, which isn't much. I see people coming and going, but none of them are giving me any news.

Just when I'm about to lose it, Dr. Gerandy walks up to me with a sullen expression. My name is called, and I briefly turn around, but I don't register who said it. All I see is the despair in the doctor's eyes as he tells me that they did everything they could, but it was too late.

Riley, my daughter, didn't make it.

My eyes blur and I can't breathe. I shake my head, yelling at him, telling him it's a mistake, but I know it's not. And as I remember the look of panic in Bella's eyes, I realize that she knew.

Bella knew—she felt it in her heart.

It is then that I ask about her, berating myself for not asking about Bella before, but her diagnosis doesn't bring me any comfort. She's been sedated because she couldn't handle the news.

There's a funeral that needs to be prepared and paperwork has to be filled out, I'm told.

I hear, but I don't listen. I hear, but I don't understand. I am numb and I am drowning, and I need someone to make this stop.

Dr. Gerandy leaves then, and just when I feel like I can't take it anymore, I hear my mother's voice.

It was she who called out my name. It was she who wrapped her hands around mine and I didn't even feel it.

I am numb.

 **…**

Riley's funeral takes place the next day. Bella can't attend it because she's still hospitalized and sedated. She didn't take it well when they told her she had to bathe Riley and get her ready for the funeral, so I did it all on my own, instead. Only our family and close friends attended the service, giving me their condolences and offering me words of support.

And still I was numb.

When Bella and I finally return home, we avoid looking in Riley's nursery's direction, and head to our bedroom. There, Bella tells me that she wants to be alone, so I give her the space she needs. And when she wakes up screaming and crying, I run to her to provide comfort that I merely have.

She looks at me without looking; asking why did this happen to us. I have no answer, so I wrap her in my arms to console her, aware that our nightmare has merely begun.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer:** Stephenie Meyer owns _**Twilight**_ and all its characters. I own a broken heart and this plot.

* * *

 **3**

* * *

The following week, when I return to work, my supervisor calls me into his office. When he walks up and gives me a one-armed hug, his gaze is apologetic with no pity in his eyes.

"I'm so sorry for your loss, Ed," he laments, "my deepest condolences to you and your family."

"Thanks, Jasper," I reply.

"Please take a seat," he says, motioning to the chair in front of his desk.

I do as he asks, waiting for what he has to say.

"First of all, I'd like to apologize for not attending the baby's funeral. Alice and I were out of town; otherwise, we'd have been there without a doubt."

"Don't worry about it, man. I completely understand."

"How's Bella? I bet she's not taking this easily."

"She's not," I agree. "Renee is currently staying with us to lend me a hand, especially because Bella's recovering from her surgical procedure, but it's not helping Bella at all."

"That must be awful," he exhales.

"It is," I agree.

Jasper rakes his hand nervously through his hair as he says, "So, listen, there's no easy way to say this, so I'm just gonna go ahead and say it."

After I nod, he continues.

"There likely isn't anything anyone can say that will make you feel better, and these difficult times you're going through are probably only going to get tougher as time goes by, so I took the liberty to speak to one of my friends and ask for her advice."

" _Okay…"_ I say, confused as to what he's talking about.

"Jess— _my friend_ —is a very good psychologist," Jasper explains. "She's actually working at Seattle at a renowned practice, but she's agreed to see you at her home office here in Port Angeles if you'd like."

Feeling a bit perplexed, I frown. "Oh, I see."

Jasper shakes his head. "I'm not saying that you're crazy—no one is—but I think it would help you greatly if you talked to her or someone else about your loss. You really have many options since mental health treatment is covered by the company's insurance, so you can go with anyone you'd like. Although, when I spoke to Jess, she said that she accepts our insurance, so you wouldn't have to pay for anything."

"That's awfully nice of her," I say.

"That's Jess for you," Jasper says, shrugging. "She's a bit quirky, but she's got a good heart and she's passionate about her job." He then opens a drawer from his desk, taking out a business card before handing it over to me. "This is her number. You can give her a call whenever you'd like if you decide to see her."

"Thanks, man," I sigh. "This means a lot."

"Ed, you're more than a subordinate to me—you're my friend—and friends look out for each other."

"I really appreciate that."

Jasper smiles. "Anytime."

Exhaling, I ask, "Is there anything else you needed?"

"No, but I just wanted to remind you that if you need any time off, you're more than welcome to take it."

I nod, not willing to tell him that there really is no point being at home. I feel like a complete stranger there.

…

Renee is sitting on the couch when I arrive home. She looks gloomy and haggard as she gives me a small smile.

"Hey, Edward," she says.

"Hey," I echo. "How were things here today?"

Renee sighs, slumping her shoulders and looking resigned. Her eyes fill with tears as she gazes at me. "I don't think my baby's going to be able to come back from this," she says, sniffling. "Bella still refuses to speak, and to make matters worse, she didn't even eat today."

Frustrated, I run my fingers through my hair. "What are we going to do, Renee?" I exhale.

"Maybe if you talk to her, she'll make an effort?" Renee asks, hopeful.

I doubt it, yet I don't say it. "Okay," I sigh. "I'll give it a try."

When I enter our bedroom, the small hope I had vanishes. Bella's lying on her side of the bed, facing the wall, even after I call out to her. She remains quiet and unmoving, yet it doesn't stop me from trying to reach her.

"Bella, I know you're feeling unwell, but you need to eat something."

Still no answer.

"Your mother is worried, and quite frankly, we're all starting to get scared."

Bella doesn't react, either.

Sighing, I take a seat on the bed close to her, noticing that she's crying. I press my palm to her face and wipe away a few tears, whispering, "You need to get better, baby. After losing Riley, I can't lose you, too."

Though it honestly feels that I already did.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer:** Stephenie Meyer owns _**Twilight**_ and all its characters. I own this plot and a bunch of Anna Kendrick pics. Because she rocks. Duh.

* * *

 **4**

* * *

A couple of days go by before I call Jasper's friend and set up an appointment. Finding her house is easy, although discovering that her office is in her basement is honestly startling. I mean, there's nothing wrong with it, but it doesn't feel like it belongs to a psychiatrist at all. Not only are the walls cerulean-blue, they're also lined by large bookcases which are filled to the brim with books of all sizes. She's got a couple of abstract paintings as well, and the desk we're seated at is more appropriate for an executive office, but she says that it makes it more comfortable for both. Then again, she's young, so the décor is on par with her peculiar personality.

Jess is wearing big-framed glasses, and her hair is up in a messy bun. She gives me a reassuring smile before commencing her questioning. "We can stop at any time you want, okay?"

"Yeah," I exhale.

"There's no need to get nervous, Edward. And there's no wrong or right answer, either."

I nod. "Okay."

It's then that Jess begins jotting down notes on her legal pad. "Alright, let's begin with your basic information: how old are you?"

"Twenty-one."

"And how old were you when you got married?"

"Eighteen."

Her brow rises. "So, you've been married for three years?"

I chuckle derisively. "You must think I was dumb for getting married so young."

"On the contrary," Jess says. "I think it's very brave. I'm thirty-one, and I'm just gathering the courage to take those kind of steps."

"Thanks?" I mutter.

"You're welcome?" she chuckles. "But, getting back on track, tell me about you and Bella. How'd you meet?"

"In high school—during our freshman year—I'd just moved to Forks from Chicago."

"You're high school sweethearts," Jess observes with a smile. "That's cute, but I bet your families weren't too excited about you guys getting married at such a young age, huh?"

"Yeah, especially Charlie, Bella's dad," I tell her. "He actually asked us if Bella was pregnant."

I look down, immediately feeling sorrowful at the mention of Bella and pregnancy, which Jess notices.

"We won't talk about that topic just yet, so don't worry. Tell me what happened after you got married."

"Bella and I moved to Port Angeles to work and attend the community college here, so it wasn't easy, but we managed to finish our associate degrees on time."

"Where were you working at the time?"

Confused, I ask, "Bella or me?"

"Both."

"Well, I worked at a grocery store, and Bella worked at a small deli by the campus."

Jess jots down more notes before looking up at me. "And how was your relationship then? Did you guys fight often? Because I'm sure it was a very stressful time for both, dealing with work and a full-time schedule at school."

"No, we never fought." I shake my head. "I guess we just had an understanding since the beginning that it was gonna be difficult."

" _See?_ More mature than me," she points out. "Now, tell me what happened once you graduated."

"Bella was able to get hired at the Sound Community Bank where she did her internship. Then, once she started working there, she recommended me to Jasper when there was an opening in the IT department."

"Was that your original plan?"

"Yeah," I reply. "Bella and I both knew that we wanted to continue our studies, but we needed more money in order to keep things afloat, so once again, we'd work while studying."

"But you didn't do that," she observes. "What happened?"

"Bella got pregnant," I say after a few seconds.

"So your baby wasn't planned?"

Exhaling, I shake my head. "Not really."

"Tell me more about that, please. I know it's a difficult subject, but we're going to have to discuss it at some point."

"I understand," I tell her. "It's why I'm here."

Jess offers me a small smile. "And that takes a lot of courage, so congrats on taking the first step."

"It doesn't feel like it's a big deal." I shrug. "I'm having trouble not being able to deal with this on my own."

"You shouldn't have to do that," she admonishes. "Dealing with a loved one's death is very challenging. In fact, I'm ninety-nine percent sure that you can't overcome something as tragic as death by yourself."

"It's a good thing Jasper recommended you," I tease, trying to lighten up the mood.

"I know, right?" Jess jokes. "I'm the best shrink in the Pacific Northwest."

I grin. "I'm beginning to think you are."

"Yeah, until I get to the harder questions, like: why did Bella get pregnant if it wasn't in your plans?"

My heart aches, yet I take the question face-on. "Riley was in our plans, we just didn't expect her to be conceived so soon."

"How did that happen?"

"When Bella and I discussed having a baby, we imagined that it would happen in the distant future, especially because Bella's doctor said it could take us years since she'd been on the pill for a very long time."

"How did you feel when you found out? Were you excited, stressed or frustrated?"

"At first, I was terrified. I mean, I was going to become responsible for another human being, you know? But then, Bella and I discussed what we were going to do—like, putting our plans to go back to school on hold and working full-time because we needed a bigger apartment—I realized that as long we were together, we could do anything."

"What about Bella? How did she feel?"

"She was so calm about it," I reminisce. "She never once said that she wasn't ready for a baby, and she didn't mind putting our plans on hold, either. Out of the two, I think she took the news better."

"And how is she dealing with the loss of your baby?"

"She's not," I reply glumly. "Bella is devastated and she's literally closed herself off to everyone."

Intrigued, Jess sets her pencil down and pushes up her glasses. "How so?"

I exhale, nervously bouncing my leg. "Bella's locked herself in our bedroom, only allowing her mother to enter and drop off some food once in a while."

Jess's brows rise. "And this has been going on for how long?"

"Two weeks."

"Well," she sighs, "it's understandable given how little time has passed since your baby's death, but this is still something that I'd be concerned about. Postpartum depression is common in cases like these; the problem is when things get out of control and it turns into postpartum psychosis, in which case she'll have to be hospitalized."

"What can I do, then?"

"For now, you have to give her some time to deal with her grief. It's apparent that she's still in shock, so all you really can do is be patient and supportive."

"How long do you think this'll last?"

"There really is no time frame for situations like these. It could take Bella a month, a year or maybe even longer to get back some sort of semblance of the life she had before. I think it's a good idea to discuss having joint therapy sessions once her shock wears off. However, she'll need to have some sessions on her own, and it doesn't have to be specifically with me, but the option's always there."

"Thanks," I mutter. "Hopefully, I'll be able to talk about it with her soon."

"For now, though, there is another option I'd like you to try," Jess says, taking a post-it and scribbling something on it. "There's a grief support group here in Port Angeles that you can go to. They meet at the downtown senior center; maybe you can check it out this weekend."

I raise my brow. _"A grief support group?"_

"Yes." Jess nods. "Other people who have lost loved ones get together to share their stories and help each other during their grieving. You can make new friends and, hopefully, talking to someone who's on the outside will help you. I know the person whom you need the most in these moments is going through her own hurdles, but this is a good option until you can deal with it together."

Jess then hands me the post-it and smiles. "That's my cell number," she tells me. "Feel free to call me _anytime_. Whether you're feeling anxious, or you have a question regarding you or Bella, call me. I am always happy to help."

I smile, relaxed and content. "Thank you," I tell her. "Jasper was right when he said you were great."

Jess snorts, rolling her eyes. "I'm unconventional at best, but it's what works for me. Being a boring and stiff psychologist is not my style, and I find that bringing my wild side to the equation helps patients relax and unwind a little better."

"It does," I agree.

"Okay, then. We're all set with our preliminary session," Jess informs me. "We'll see each other next week for our first official session, alright?"

"Yeah, I'm really looking forward to it," I say honestly.

Ironically, this seems to be the best thing happening in my life at the moment.


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer:** Stephenie Meyer owns _**Twilight**_ and all its characters. I own this plot and a scratched copy of _**The Twilight Saga: New Moon — Original Motion Picture Soundtrack**_ , which I listened to whilst writing this story. _Especially_ track number fourteen.

* * *

 **5**

* * *

The change in Bella's demeanor finally arrived this morning. Unfortunately, the change is drastic and almost mortal. If I'd taken more time finding her in Riley's nursery, she would have died as she'd intended.

In the three months leading to her suicide attempt, nothing much had changed in our household. I went to work, attended my therapy twice a week, and then went to my support group on Saturdays. As for Bella, the only shift in her behavior was that she was eating properly, but she still wasn't speaking to me. It was a different matter with Renee, who was still helping me take care of her, but I guess it was because of their motherly bond.

There were days where I truly believed Bella despised me. I mean, what other reason would she have for ignoring me? It seemed illogical, but Jess explained that it was due to Bella's postpartum depression, and it was her way of coping with Riley's loss. Yet, I remained patient as Jess asked, although it wasn't easy. How could I not be hurt if Bella ignored me when she was my other-half?

When I woke up, I got up to use the restroom, and on my way back, I went to our bedroom to check up on her as I usually did. Since she wasn't there, I immediately went to Riley's nursery, which was just as we'd left it when we finished setting it up. At first, I wasn't concerned; Bella just seemed to be sleeping in a rocking chair that was by the crib, next to the window. But when I got closer, I realized that something was wrong because Bella's body was slack and her breathing was abnormal. I called for an ambulance immediately, and that's how I find myself with Bella at the hospital.

After we arrived and her stomach was pumped, her doctor told me that they'd found enough sleeping pills to believe her overdose was intentional. I was livid and heartbroken when they told me, because I apparently wasn't enough for Bella to want live and get better, but now, as I sit next to her sleeping form, all I can do is plead for her to wake up.

"Everything is going to be fine, Son," my father reassures me. "Bella's going to be okay."

I shake my head, crying unceasingly. "She's not reacting even though it's been hours since we've been here. The doctor says that the longer she remains asleep, the probabilities of her having a good prognosis diminish."

"You can't lose hope," my father begs.

"I've had hope all these months, and look where it's gotten me," I snap, sniffling. "I don't think I have any left."

"You're speaking out of anger," he says. "You can't let that cloud your judgment."

Wiping away my tears, I shake my head. "I need to do something in case that Bella does wake up, Dad. Otherwise, things aren't going to get any better."

"What do you mean?" he asks.

"I don't know yet, but I have to figure out something soon." I exhale, standing from my seat. "I need to go call Charlie and Renee again to see if they're almost here. Last time I spoke to Renee, she said they had just landed at SeaTac."

My dad nods. "It's such a shame that they had to return to Port Angeles after they just got to San Francisco."

"So much for a getaway weekend," I snort scathingly. "Charlie's attempt at getting Renee away from all this bullshit couldn't have backfired any worse."

Angry, my father glares at me. " _You know what?_ Maybe the person you need to call right now is your therapist. You're behaving poorly, and I know it's because you're overwhelmed since I surely didn't raise you to act this way."

"Fuck, Dad, I'm sorry," I groan, scrubbing my hands across my face. "Everything's got me so bewildered that I don't know what's up or down."

" _Just go_ ," he orders, pointing to the door. "Get some air—do whatever you have to do—but when you come back, you better have changed your attitude."

I wordlessly walk out of the room and subsequently the hospital, bypassing my mother. When I'm a few feet away from the entrance, I take out my cell phone and dial Jess's number.

She picks up after a few rings, sounding worried. "Edward, what's wrong?"

"I'm at the hospital because Bella tried to kill herself and I'm fucking flipping out," I bluntly state.

"Whoa, okay," she exhales. "That's some heavy shit you're dealing with, so I can _definitely_ see why you're overwhelmed, but flipping out isn't going to help anything."

"You're right," I sigh. "I've just got a lot on my mind right now and I don't know what to do."

"How's Bella?"

"She's unconscious, which is why I'm even more stressed out."

"That's understandable," Jess observes, "but you have to take into account that if she took any pills—which I'm presuming she did—she's still under their effect."

"I hadn't thought of that," I confess.

"I figured," she notes. "Are you calmer now?"

"I am."

"Good, that's good."

I stay silent for a beat, unaware of what to say, and maybe, even a bit afraid.

"What's bothering you, Edward?" Jess prompts.

"I don't know what to do when she wakes up," I admit. "What do I say? _What do I do_?"

"Do you want me to be there with you? Because I can totally do that."

"Would you?"

"Of course," she assures. "I can even speak with her physician and explain to you what's going on so you don't panic anymore."

"That would be great." I nod even though she can't see me. "Bella's parents aren't here yet because they were out of town, so I'm just here with my parents—"

"And they're smothering you." she interjects.

"Yeah."

"Okay, I'll see you in a bit, Edward. And remember, you're not going to fix anything by getting exasperated, so don't get your panties in a twist, man."

"I won't," I chuckle despite myself.

 **…**

When Charlie and Renee finally arrive at the hospital, Jess has already spoken to Bella's doctor to find out her diagnosis. Bella still hasn't woken up yet, but she's already begun showing signs of life, so the doctors say that it's a good thing. I feel a bit of hope again when Jess explains that Bella's own subconscious might be what's stopping her from waking up, but that her vitals are good. Jess and I also discuss what's to be done when Bella does awake, and we decide we need to talk to Bella's parents about it. So, having determined that, we've sat down with Charlie and Renee to explain the situation.

"Is something wrong with Bella?" Renee asks after Jess has introduced herself.

"Not quite," Jess begins to explain. "I've gone over Bella's chart with her doctor, and it seems that she's going to be fine. The only concern we have at the moment is Bella's safety, and as you're aware, a suicide attempt is not to be taken lightly. Therefore, because Bella is considered a threat to her own well being, she's going to have to stay here under a psychiatric hold for observation."

Renee sobs, turning into Charlie for comfort as he wraps an arm around her. Bella's dad looks like he's falling to pieces himself, yet he manages to remain collected for his wife's sake. "How long will that be?" he asks glumly.

"The detention only lasts seventy-two hours, but it doesn't include weekends, so it would begin on Monday," Jess says. "You do have the right, however, to hire an attorney and appeal this decision. But before you do, I'd like you to know the reason for the hospital to come to this decision and then you can choose what to do."

"Alright," Charlie agrees.

Jess sighs, looking over at me briefly before she speaks. "As you're well aware, Bella has been suffering many symptoms pertaining to postpartum depression. Until now, all three of you have allowed her to grieve her daughter's death, but with this suicide attempt, things cannot continue as they have."

"So, what are you saying?" Renee prompts.

"Bella needs treatment and it's not optional," Jess informs them. "And in this case, because Edward is legally bound to her, he's the person responsible for determining whether to take this the legal route or not, but he's leaving the decision up to you."

Baffled, Renee gazes at me. "Do you not want to be with her anymore?"

"That's not the case, Renee," I assure her. "I want to be with Bella— _I really do_ —but I don't want to do this without your consent."

"You've taken a decision, then?" Charlie asks.

I exhale, nodding. "I think it's best if we do this outside of court for Bella's sake, though I'll need your support when Jess speaks with her."

Charlie nods pensively. "Bella needs an intervention? That's what you're saying?"

"It is," Jess agrees. "I'd like all four of us to speak with her when she's stable, and while I'm doing this, there is no obligation on her part for me to treat her once she's released from the hospital."

"Okay," Renee sighs. "That's what we'll do, then."

"I'm also going to need your help moving, Charlie," I inform him. "When Bella leaves the hospital, I'd like to have moved to a smaller apartment."

"What about your lease?" he asks.

"My landlord is pretty lenient, and given the circumstances, I think he'll understand. Besides, our contract is almost over, so I don't think we'll have a problem."

"Okay," Charlie agrees. "Count on us for anything."

I will. At this point, they're one of the reasons I'm not giving up yet.


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer:** Stephenie Meyer owns _**Twilight**_ and all its characters. I own this plot and a penchant for twisting stories just for fun.

* * *

 **6**

* * *

Charlie and I managed to move all of our things into a studio apartment before Bella was released from the hospital as I'd hoped. I also rented a small unit to store all of Riley's things because I couldn't bear to get rid of them and didn't consider it to be a good idea for them to be around when Bella returned. Packing all the things we'd bought for Riley with lots of love completely broke my heart. Thankfully, Charlie was there when I almost broke down and tore the nursery to pieces.

When Bella finally arrived to our new home, she was a bit surprised given how small it was, but considering that it was just the two of us, I didn't feel the need to rent anything bigger. Once again, she asked me if I could sleep on the couch because she wasn't ready for us to share the same bed, which I readily agreed to. Jess did mention that reduced sexual desire was one of Bella's postpartum depression symptoms, so this could be a way for her to project it.

Bella agreed to attend therapy voluntarily, and even though she's not very fond of Jess, Bella agreed to see Jess under her mother's persistence. The one thing that Bella didn't agree to was having couples therapy or going to my support group, but that's okay with me; I know talking about one's feelings isn't easy.

Bella also returned to work this week, but her demeanor there has changed completely. So much so, that I'm afraid her friendship with Rosalie might never be the same.

Right now, we're having breakfast in our new apartment. Bella's quiet and somber as she eats, so I decide to break the tension.

"Do you want to do anything this weekend? We could go to a movie if you'd like?" I ask, hopeful.

"I'm spending the weekend in Forks with my parents," she informs me. "My dad's picking me up in about ten minutes."

Taken aback, I frown. "I didn't know you'd made plans with them."

"I did," she deadpans. "Besides, what am I going to stay here for? You're going to leave for your meeting later."

"Yeah, but that only takes me two hours," I argue.

Bella shrugs. "I already made plans with them."

"Alright, we'll do something else next weekend."

"Maybe," she mutters. "I don't think I'll be in the mood for going out."

I look at her then, observing the woman who's now an absolute stranger. If it weren't for the ring on her left hand, I wouldn't be able to call her my wife. This was never what I expected when Bella promised to try to get better, but I can't expect too much when it's only been two weeks since she's been making an effort.

"Okay," I agree. "We'll see."

After taking a bite from the French toast I prepared, I ask her about her workweek.

"It was okay, but everyone keeps looking at me with pity, and that's without them knowing that I was in the hospital a couple of weeks ago."

"They all sympathize with us, Bella. It's rational."

"Yeah, well, I don't like it," she exhales. "I've even been thinking about looking for another job."

"You can do whatever you feel is best for you," I tell her. "You know that I support you one-hundred percent, right?"

"I do," she says before standing from the table and placing her plates in the sink. "Well, I have to go, so I guess I'll see you tomorrow night."

"Alright," I sigh. "Call if you need anything."

"Uh-huh," she mumbles as she grabs her things and leaves.

I sit at the table and finish my breakfast, wondering how long it's going to take for us to get back to normal.

With that in mind, I set out to my meeting after washing our dishes and clearing the table. When I arrive, I notice a new girl at our meeting.

She's stunningly beautiful. Her wild hair is vibrant red and her eyes are the bluest shade I've ever seen. She bites her lip as she twirls a lock of her mane in obvious nervousness. She's wearing a sundress, and even though the day is sunny—warranting the sandals she's sporting on her feet—she's wearing a jean jacket, too.

As we take our seats, I observe her. She doesn't know where to go, but Ben and Angela quickly guide her to the chair next to me. She waves my way and bites her lip once more, gazing down at her lap quickly after.

People around our circle take turns sharing while she listens intently, bouncing her knee before she speaks up.

"Hi," she says. "My name is Victoria, but everyone calls me Tori, and I'm here because my son Jamie passed away last month."

Her lip quivers as tears begin to stream down her face.

"I'm a single mom," she continues. "So, I'm doing this on my own, and it's so hard. _God_ , it's so hard."

Angela is in front of her in a heartbeat, wrapping her up in an embrace.

"It's okay," Angela coos. "It's gonna be okay."

Tori sobs, nodding. "I know it's going to take time, but I can't help beat myself up every day, you know? I keep asking myself, 'Why did I have to go back inside the house? Why wasn't I there with Jamie when he got ran over?' If I'd been there, maybe I could have saved him."

Angela continues comforting Tori, and for a split second, I envy her.

I wish _I_ were comforting her.

 **…**

Once the meeting is over, we all head to the refreshment table. People walk up to Tori and offer her words of comfort as I watch from afar. When she looks my way, I smile and wave at her, but it's not enough for Tori. She walks up to me to introduce herself, smiling as she does so.

"All these people are right, you know?" I tell her. "Eventually, with time, your grief will be easier to bear."

"That's what I keep hearing," she sighs.

"It's what everyone will tell you," I snort, "yet it doesn't make it any less true."

"So," she begins. "Are you a single dad? Because I didn't see your wife here."

"No, I'm not a single dad, but my situation is just… _different_."

"Different how?" she prompts.

I've never said it out loud, but she evokes something in me which causes me to say, "We're kind of dealing with this on our own, so I guess I know what you're going through." I shrug. "Maybe we can help each other out."

Tori's eyes light up as she smirks. "I think I'd like that very much."

* * *

 **A/N:** Wanna know what Tori looks like? Imagine Emma Stone.


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer:** Stephenie Meyer owns _**Twilight**_ and all its characters. I own this plot and a huge crush on Emma Stone and Kristen Stewart.

* * *

 **7**

* * *

"How are you feeling about Riley's first anniversary next month?" Jess asks during our weekly therapy.

"I think I'm ready," I confess.

"Really?"

"Yeah," I sigh. " I mean, it's almost been a year, so I've had time to deal with everything that came with her loss."

"What about Bella? How's she holding up?"

I exhale, shrugging. "She's coming around the idea, but we haven't discussed what we're doing yet. My friend Tori offered to go with me in case Bella's not up to it."

Jess rises her brow. " _Tori_? The girl from your support group?"

I nod. "Yeah."

"Does Bella know about her?"

"No," I admit.

Jess frowns. "Why not?"

"It hasn't come up." I shrug. "Besides, things with Bella haven't changed much."

"And why's that? Are you prompting conversations with her? You know we've discussed it before."

"I am," I tell her, "but our conversations are mainly about how our day went."

Jess looks at me intently for a second before asking, "Do you still resent Bella for trying to take her life?"

"No," I lie. "I've already told you that."

"Well, you say one thing, but I see another. It's as if you weren't trying to fix things between you two, and I remember when you admitted having felt betrayed when she attempted suicide."

What she says is true, because despite the fact that I managed to forgive Bella, I was never fully able to let go of my anger. I've tried, but it's been futile, so I try to conceal it as best as possible.

So, when I reply, I say, "Sometimes, trying to talk to Bella is akin to pulling teeth, Jess."

"Alright." Jess nods, probably seeing right through my bullshit. "How's Bella handling her new job?"

As I remember how happy Bella is at the new office where she's working at, I smile. "She loves it, actually. The change was great for her."

Jess smiles, too. "I'm happy to hear that."

"Thanks for the suggestion," I say. "If it weren't for you, Bella and I might still be arguing about the subject."

"You need to pay more attention to Bella," she observes. "If you had, you would have realized that she wasn't comfortable working with Rosalie after she learned she was pregnant."

"I didn't know about Rosalie's pregnancy until much later," I counter.

"And that's why you need to talk to her more, Edward. _Make an effort,_ because as I see it, you're not doing it. And you know what else I think? I think you're spending too much time with _your friend_ Tori."

"She's the only one besides you who listens to me about how I feel, Jess," I sigh. "Our relationship is strictly friendly, and we only see each other when we go to our meetings."

Jess narrows her eyes. "I'm still not sold on this girl, but we'll talk about it at another time. Right now, I want you to tell me about Bella's week. I want to see if you were _really_ paying attention."

Feeling like a scolded child, I nod and begin telling Jess about all the things I've discussed with Bella. Afterward, I head over to my meeting where we discuss Riley's upcoming anniversary. Some parents tell me that it will probably be the hardest since it's the first, but that they'll all hurt the same. Once the meeting is over and we're having some refreshments, another couple tells me that we can all get together afterward if I'd like the support. It's not actually something I'd consider, but it's nice to know that I can count on them for anything.

"My offer to go with you still stands," Tori tells me as we walk to my car.

"Thanks, but I don't think you'll have to."

"I wouldn't mind. After all, it's the least I can do since you've helped me so much with Jamie's death."

I shrug. "That's what friends do," I tell her. "But that's not what I meant about you not having to go with me. It's just that Jess and I are going to try to get Bella to go. We think it might help us make some progress with her."

"Oh," Tori says, deflated. "Are you spending the evening with her, too? We can have dinner at my place some other time if you need to go."

"Bella's spending the weekend with her parents again, so we're good to go."

Tori's face lights up. "Then let's get going. I don't want to finish making our pizza at midnight!" she teases.

We leave then, arriving at her home shortly after. Tori begins preparing everything she needs for the pizza, telling me anecdotes about her time in Italy and other places around the world that she's visited. When the pizza's done, we sit at her table and enjoy some wine as we eat it.

So, maybe it's the alcohol that shifts the atmosphere tonight, making the energy charged between us, because we've had dinner here before, but it's never been this way. And maybe it's the reason why I don't stop Tori when she gives me a kiss, and I actually return it, instead.

Her lips aren't the ones that I'm used to, so I never deepen our kisses, and after she's taken off my shirt and gotten down on her knees, it's not the warmth of her mouth that I crave. Still, I never stop her, even when in the back of my mind I know I'm going to regret it.

One piece of clothing follows another until we're naked and panting in her bed. Her skin and caresses feel wrong, but the feeling of comfort is _so_ acutely right and necessary. Then, when Tori calls out my name, begging me to fuck her, I do it fueled by the anger and outrage that I've bottled inside for almost a year.

Later, I'm probably going to think about the fact that Tori possibly planned everything in advance since she had condoms at the ready, but at the moment, I let go. I thoroughly enjoy the deception I'm creating, lying to Tori as I say, "This doesn't change anything," once I come, because _everything_ has been changed by this moment.


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer:** Stephenie Meyer owns _**Twilight**_ and all its characters. I own this plot and a doll my uncle gave me on my tenth birthday twenty-one years ago.

* * *

 **8**

* * *

"I think I'm going to join you in your grief support group today," Bella informs me.

Looking up from the shirt I'm buttoning, I shift my gaze to her, gauging her mood. I'm currently in the bathroom, getting ready to leave, so her announcement catches me off-guard. "Only if you feel you're ready, okay?" I say after a moment. "There's no pressure."

"Yeah, I know." Bella nods. "Plus, Jess said it would be a good idea—with Riley's anniversary coming up, and everything."

I offer Bella a small smile, content that her sessions with Jessica have been helping her. Well, they have, but we've yet to make an improvement in our relationship, although I hope that happens soon. Today could be that day, so I readily agree.

"Well, I think it's a great idea, then," I tell her. "I'm just gonna brush my teeth and we'll be all set to go."

Bella exhales, biting her lip briefly. "Okay," she whispers. "I'm going to get my purse."

She then dashes to the living room as I finish up. Once I join her, we both exit the apartment and head to the complex's parking lot.

Our walk there is silent and tense, and while I would love to say something, I don't want to ruin the moment. I know this is tough for Bella as it is.

During our drive to the senior center, I notice that Bella's anxiety has amped up. Not only is she twisting her hands in her lap, but she's also doing the breathing exercises Jess has taught us.

I park the car when we arrive and look over at Bella. "Everything's gonna be fine, alright? If you feel like you need to get out of there, just lemme know and we'll leave."

"Okay," she exhales. "Thanks."

We exit the car, and it isn't until we're entering the building that I remember that Tori's going to be at the meeting, too. Tori: the woman I slept with last week. My blood rushes to my feet as my hands get clammy just from the thought of what can happen, but I don't have much time to stress over it, because before I know it, Tori's standing before me. She's dressed in one of her usual sundresses, smiling brightly at me as she crosses her arms with her jean jacket between them.

"Hey, Ed," Tori says, brightly. "I was beginning to think that you weren't coming."

"No, I'm just running a little late," I start to explain before introducing her to Bella, who's standing a bit to the side behind me, but she doesn't allow me to do it.

Tori's quick as she says, "So, listen, I was thinking that maybe we could go to Ruby's afterward for that cheeseburger you've been craving."

I can feel Bella's gaze on me, waiting for my response, which makes my words more cutting. Swallowing nervously, I say, "Actually, my wife came with me today, so I can't."

Tori's smile falters upon hearing my words. She blanches and nods, her expression crestfallen. "Oh, okay. Maybe some other time, right?" After a nervous laugh, she adds, "And your wife is more than welcome to come, obviously."

"Thanks," my wife mutters, stepping forward. "I'm Bella, by the way." She extends her hand to Tori. "Nice to meet you."

Tori takes Bella's hand and shakes it minutely, avoiding her gaze. "Nice to meet you, too. I'm Tori; I've heard a lot about you."

"I'm afraid I can't say the same," Bella says, acerbically. "But then again, Edward and I don't talk as much as he does with you."

Tori looks over at me dejectedly. "Edward's been a good friend to me," she sighs. "He's been really helpful during this hard time for me, so I won't apologize for that."

"I wasn't asking you to," Bella sneers.

"Okay," I interject. "Why don't we go take a seat?"

"Actually, I think I'm going to head back home," Bella tells me. "I'm not feeling too well."

"I'll take you," I offer.

Bella shakes her head, smirking sardonically. "No, you should stay with _your_ _friend_. That way, you can go on your date later."

I sigh exasperatedly. "Bella, please— _don't_."

"Oh, I'm not," she chuckles darkly. " _Trust me_. I don't have to do anything else to worsen this scenario."

With that, Bella exits the building, leaving me momentarily dumbfounded. When my mind finally catches up to my body, I look over at Tori, and say, "I've got to go, but I want you to know that I'm truly sorry."

Tearful, Tori nods as she presses her lips together. She takes a deep breath and says, "I'm sorry, too, Edward—for everything."

It breaks my heart to leave her like that, but I have to catch up to Bella before she leaves. I exit the senior center and call out to my wife.

Bella's steps falter as she's reaching the sidewalk and turns to glare at me. _"What?"_ she spits, exasperated.

"Where are you going?"

" _I already told you."_

"Then let me take you," I plead, watching her every move in case she runs.

Bella stays in place for a minute before she wordlessly starts walking in the direction of my car. She passes me, her glare still in place, and stands by the passenger door silently. I walk swiftly to catch up with her, and unlock the car before getting in immediately. We're both quiet as I start up the car and pull out of the parking lot, but as soon as we're on the road, Bella speaks up.

"How long has it been going on, Edward?" she inquires as she looks out the window. "How long have you and Tori been involved?"

"Bella, it's not like that," I begin, shaking my head.

She whips her head to face me, crying, " _Really?_ You're going to sit there and tell me that I didn't just see you break that girl's heart?"

I can't deny that, so I deflect her question. "That wasn't supposed to happen," I sigh, switching lanes to turn left at the corner. "She's always known that I'm married."

"Well, I'm pretty sure I've heard somewhere that you don't control who you fall in love with," Bella snarks.

I remain silent, afraid and unsure of what to say. I don't want to make matters worse and I'm still unsure whether or not this will blow up in my face.

Exasperated, Bella exhales. "So, that's it? You're not going to say anything else about your relationship with Tori?"

"What else is there to say? _We became friends and she developed feelings for me?_ I didn't even know about the latter until today."

Bella seems unhappy with my reply, but she doesn't say anything, probably thinking about her next questions. Meanwhile, I'm panicking on the inside. I should have known that sleeping with Tori would bring consequences, but I guess I was in denial, thinking that Bella would never find out. Now, I don't think I can hide it from Bella. That would be like betraying Tori even more than I already have.

Still upset, Bella faces me when she asks, "Do you love her?"

"Yes," I admit.

"Okay," she whispers, "I get it. You can love people differently. The only problem here is if you're in love with her. So, are you?"

"No."

"Okay," Bella says again, composed. "You were friends. Tell me about how you became friends."

With one hand on the wheel, I shrug. "There really isn't much to it, Bella. We met at the group when her son passed away, and since we were both alone, we bonded more, I guess. We talked about things we couldn't share with the others afterward while having lunch or coffee."

"Does Jess know about her?"

"Of course."

Bella scoffs. "She never told me anything."

"There _is_ such a thing called doctor-patient confidentiality, Bella," I say, nearly rolling my eyes. "She's never told me anything about what you tell her, if that makes you feel any better."

"It should, but it doesn't," Bella sighs as she faces the window again. "I'm surprised she didn't warn you about Tori, though."

Pulling into our parking spot, I turn off the ignition and stare straight ahead before replying, "She did, but I never imagined that things would turn out this way."

"I only have one more question about you and Tori, but I want you to answer it honestly, alright?"

I nod, but I already know what's coming next.

When Bella asks me if I've slept with Tori, I don't hesitate, I simply say, "Yes." I don't tell her that it was only once and just last week because it doesn't matter—once is enough.

Bella closes her eyes and exhales as a tear slips down her cheek. "Okay," she mutters before exiting the car.

Afraid of what I may face when I enter my house, I remain in the car while also trying to control my breathing. I've never had an anxiety attack before, but I'm pretty sure I'm close to having one. I mean, who wouldn't panic at knowing that your life will probably change drastically when you face a person whom you've wronged?

"Fuck," I exhale just before exiting the car and entering my home.

When I do, I notice Bella sitting on her bed. She's still crying, yet it doesn't stop her from piercing me with her reddened eyes.

"Did you bring her here? Did you fuck Tori on my bed, Edward?"

"No," I scoff.

"Then where did you do it?"

"Why does it matter, Bella?"

 _"Just tell me!"_ she pleads.

" _Fine_ ," I snap. "It happened at her house."

Bella sniffles, steeling herself for the next words she says. "I want a divorce."

I suspected as much, so I simply nod and say, "Okay."

Bella's expression morphs from despair to exasperation. " _You're just going to accept it like that?_ You're not even going to _try_ to salvage our marriage?"

"No," I confess. "I'm tired of trying to make us work. Besides, what is there to salvage? Our marriage has been over for awhile."

"What makes you say that?" Bella sobs.

"I've been sleeping on the fucking couch for the past year, Bella—"

"Is that what this is about?" she interjects. _"Sex?"_

 _"_ Of course not," I scoff. "It's about _intimacy_ —about being close, about being _together_."

 _"Is that what that bitch gave you?"_ Bella sneers.

"It's the only thing we've given each other," I snap. "And now, I regret having crossed the line with her because things can't ever go back to how they used to be. What pains me even more is that I won't be able to go back to my meetings because I fucked that up, too."

Bella sniffles, wiping her tears. "You seem more concerned about losing them than losing me."

"But don't you get it? I've already lost you—I lost you the moment you closed yourself off to me when Riley died," I lament.

"You don't know what it's like to deal with her loss!" Bella cries.

" _I don't know what it's like?_ Fuck _you_ and your condescending bullshit!" I spit.

"What the hell am I supposed to think when I see you so calm and collected?" she argues. "It's like she didn't even die to you."

Shaking my head, I go off. "I was trying to keep my shit together so I could be there for you, but guess what? _You never needed my help._ You pushed me to the side, and I had to find a way to deal with all my pain. So, you know what? You've got nothing to claim me. If I strayed from our marriage, it was your fault!"

"I hate you!" Bella yells, crying harder.

"I hate you, too," I admit.

"I want you to leave— _right now._ Leave and don't ever come back."

"Why would I if there's nothing left here for me? You're not the Bella I married, and I'm never getting her back."


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer:** Stephenie Meyer owns _**Twilight**_ and all its characters. I own this plot and a large empty box of chocolates and Kleenex.

* * *

 **9**

* * *

An uncontested divorce happens quickly and smoothly, especially if the parties involved have nothing to dispute—no properties, no custodies. So, before I knew it, my marriage was dissolved; a definite result of my and Bella's stubbornness, and possibly, our selfishness. Afterward, I often wondered if maybe Bella and I should have at least made an effort to save our marriage, but deep down I knew that we were both too hurt for that to happen. Any attempt would be hindered by our rage and animosity, so what would have been the purpose of it all?

Our love was gone and we weren't ready to recuperate it.

Maybe, in the nine years that have passed since then, Bella has matured as I have, but I wouldn't know. I haven't seen her since I moved out of our apartment and moved back with my parents. When that happened, I only took my personal belongings, leaving everything else to Bella. I soon went back to school on the weekends, so I ended up splitting my time between work and books. Once I finished my undergraduate, I continued with my masters, helping me to get a position as manager of my department.

As for my ex-wife, my mother told me that Bella moved to Seattle to continue her studies full-time and then stayed there when she was hired at an important firm. She's supposed to be attending the party I am, though, so we might finally reunite after all these years, and that's prompted me to drink more beer than necessary due to my nerves.

"Are you sure Bella's coming over tonight?" I ask Garrett, the party's host.

Garrett gives me a knowing smile. "Yeah, definitely; she RSVP'd with Katie last week."

Exhaling for what feels the millionth time, I nod. "Okay, well, if she shows, _she shows_."

"Can I ask you something, Ed?" my friend inquires.

"Sure."

"Why haven't you stayed in touch with Bella throughout the years? I'd imagine that you guys would get together for Riley's anniversary, right?"

I look down, both because I don't want to show just how much mentioning my daughter hurts, but also to hide the animosity in my eyes. "Bella's never been here on that day," I reply sourly. "That's why I was surprised when you said she'd be here."

Realization dawns on Garrett, causing him to give me a rueful smile. "I'm sorry, man. I completely forgot that tomorrow's Riley's anniversary. Otherwise, I would have planned our reunion night another time."

"It's alright." I shrug. "It's not like everyone's gonna plan their life around mine."

"But we're friends," Garrett insists. " _I_ would have done it."

"I know," I sigh. "And I appreciate it, but like I said, no worries."

The mood shifts after that, and pretty soon, I'm ready to call it a night. Bella never shows up to the party, which doesn't surprise me in the least, so I'm not hurt at all when I go back home to prepare myself for the day ahead of me tomorrow.

…

Getting up in the morning after a rough night is a bitch, so some extra-strong coffee is a _necessity_. The sun is shining brightly already, guaranteeing the need for some sunglasses, too. I pick my favorite pair and head over to Starbucks before going to the flower shop where I buy Riley's rose bouquet along with some Mylar balloons. My last stop is the Ocean View Cemetery, although when I arrive to my destination, I am shocked to find who's already there.

It's Bella.

She's on her knees, crying silently, as she traces the letters on Riley's flat headstone.

"What are _you_ doing here?" I bark.

Bella straightens up, exhaling slowly as she wipes her eyes. "I'm _her mother_ , Edward," she snaps, turning to glare at me. "I have _every_ right to be here as you do."

"I thought you'd forgotten," I retort. "Since you've never come before, you know?"

It is then that Bella stands and walks over to stand directly in front of me. As she does so, I notice all the evident changes in her since I last saw her, the first one being her outfit. Her dress and shoes are probably from some signature designer, an obvious indication of her wealthier lifestyle. She looks almost the same as the girl that I fell in love with, but the years have clearly taken a toll on her. To anyone else, Bella looks beautiful, and maybe carefree, yet the slight shadows beneath her eyes prove that she has been restless for quite some time. The gleam in her eyes has also diminished, and it breaks my heart.

However, her fiery persona, which once captivated me, is still present as she says, _"Really, Ed?_ You're going to bitch me out? _Today, of all days?"_

"Fuck," I hiss, raking a hand through my hair. "I'm sorry. It's just… You truly caught me off-guard, alright?"

"It's fine," Bella sniffles, shrugging as she wipes her nose with a Kleenex. "I knew this wasn't going to be easy."

"I can leave if you want," I offer. It's not what I want to do, but if it's easier for her, I will.

Bella shakes her head, moving to stand at my side. "No, that's fine; you can stay," she whispers. "Besides, this is how we're supposed to do it, right? Remember her together."

Anger surges through me upon hearing her words, because after all this time, she finally gets it, but I hold my tongue. I only nod and look down at the plot where my daughter lies, trying to hold back the tears that will inevitably be shed.

"Riley would have been ten today," Bella observes.

"Yeah, and she would've been just as beautiful as you."

"You think so?" my ex-wife inquires, looking over at me with eyes full of anguish.

I give her a small smile. "She had your brown hair and your perfect nose."

Bella's chin quivers as she wipes away a few tears. "I didn't even get to see her… to hold her," she laments.

"I'm really sorry, Bella," I tell her, sniffling. "I truly wish that things could have been different."

Bella nods, but it's all she manages to do before a wracking sob erupts from her chest. "I want my baby back, Edward," she wails. "I want my daughter to be here with me."

Instinctually, I turn and wrap my arms around her, holding her close as we both cry. Bella turns into me, too, finally allowing me to comfort her as I'd wished to do so many years ago. My heart breaks a little more as the rightness of this moment makes me long for all the other moments Bella and I could have shared before—a longing of what could've been a different outcome of our situation. I don't dwell on that, though; there really is no point now.

"I don't want to hide anymore," Bella whimpers, snuggling deeper into our embrace.

"Okay," I simply reply.

"No, you don't get it." Bella pulls away, gazing up at me. " _When you said I'd never come before?_ That's not true. I've come here many, _many_ times, but I always made sure to do it when I knew you wouldn't be here."

"Why would you do that?"

"Because I didn't want you to see me like this— _weak and fragile—_ out of stupidity, but I'm tired of allowing mistakes from the past to haunt my present," she sighs. "Just last night, I left Garrett's place as soon as I saw you, but all these years of evasion have only hurt me, so I'm done doing that."

"What made you decide that?"

"Seeing you so strong—so sure of yourself—at the party," Bella begins, giving me a sad smile. "There you were, without a care in the world, knowing that I would show up at any minute, and I wished to _be like you_. Just like I always have, even if I've resented you for it, too."

"Resentment _is_ something disgusting," I agree. "It's what eats away at your soul. I know about that all too well."

"It definitely tore us apart when we were married," she acknowledges. "Well, that _and many_ other things."

Aware that she's alluding to my infidelity, I address the subject. " _Like my relationship with Tori?"_ I inquire, raising my brow. "I know I said it before, but I'll say it again: getting involved with her was the biggest mistake I've ever made."

" _Why?_ Because you broke her heart?" Bella snides.

"Yes, but aside from _that_ , and losing a great friend, I broke another of my vows to you."

"I broke them first," Bella argues. " _I_ was the one that wronged you from the moment that I chose my despair over our love."

I don't know what it is, whether finally hearing Bella acknowledge the root of our problems or having found out that she's suffered just as much as I have while being apart, which gives me a sense of closure I didn't know I needed. Maybe now I can finally find the peace I lacked, but before that, there's something I have to say that I believe to be true.

"Our love didn't stand a chance, Bella," I say, gazing into her eyes. "We were so young and naive, thinking we could handle anything that came our way when we got married. Maybe even if Riley had lived, we would have eventually gotten a divorce. Things were only going to get complicated after her birth, especially with both of us wanting to go back to school."

"What about now?" she asks, hopeful. "Do you think our relationship would work out now? If our love were still there?"

"Maybe, but we'd have to start all over, and that takes time," I say, but I don't really give it too much thought.

What I want to do is enjoy this easeful moment with my family that is long overdue. For the very first time, all three of us are together, and that's something I once considered almost impossible. I want to savor the knowledge that our cries of contempt and anguish have finally silenced, allowing the peace that no sound but the wind provides me.

* * *

 **A/N: *exhales deeply*** So,I'm kinda nervous about what you think in regards to this story. If you've read my stuff before, you know that I love taking risks and doing the unconventional, so that's what I did here, too.

Did it hurt to write this story? _Like a motherfucker._

This is the end that I always envisioned—which was also the very first scene I wrote—but I may add a little bit to it in the future. ( **Read:** Three small chapters that I may post once I catch up with my WIP.) Therefore, I've marked it as complete.

Also, for anyone who's still interested in reading **Fire Meeting Gasoline** , I just want to let you know that the next chapter is with my beta, so that will be updated this week!

Thanks so much for reading! (:


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